mindless revelations of a math goddess

15.53
life
i’m not sure what it is
simple yet complex
whole yet broken
something’s missing
something’s wrong
i look for answers
i try to find some meaning
i search, i ask, i question
and i pray.

20.30
bow
the show’s over
the curtain’s closing
bow
your time’s up
your turn’s over
bow
no more second chances
no looking back
just say goodbye now.

inspiration is sinking in
smiling can’t be stopped
everywhere i look and turn
everything i see and hear
all the thoughts i have
it makes me smile.
inspiration makes me smile.

If you read this journal, even if I don’t speak to you often, post a memory of me.

It can be anything you want.

It can be good or bad, just so long as it happened.

Then post this on your journal too!

Be surprised (or not) about what people remember about you.

"Where does it come from, this quest? This need to solve life’s mysteries when the simplest of questions can never be answered? Why are we here? What is the soul? Why do we dream? Perhaps we’d be better off not looking at all. Not delving, not yearning. But that’s not human nature. Not the human heart. That is not why we are here. Yet still we struggle to make a difference, to change the world, to dream of hope, never knowing for certain who we will meet along the way. Who among the world of strangers will hold our hand, touch our hearts, and share the pain and triumph? We dream of hope, we dream of change, of fire, of love, of death. And then it happens; the dream becomes real, and the answer to this quest, this need to solve life’s mysteries finally shows itself like the glowing light of the new dawn. So much struggle for meaning, for purpose. And in the end, we find it only in each other. Our shared experience of the fantastic and the mundane. The simple human need to find a kindred. To connect. And to know in our hearts… that we are not alone."

yes, just like the song, i know. sounds very cliche-ic but still very true. today i found out something that at first, made my heart very heavy. but then, after a while, i was just laughing and smiling. actually it wasn’t really something funny. it was more of how your connections with people and relationships with them can link you closer to others than you realize. i know you may not understand a thing of what i’m saying but it’s like the concept of six degrees of separation. it’s the idea that, if a person is one step away from each person he or she knows and two steps away from each person who is known by one of the people he or she knows, then everyone is no more than six "steps" away from each person on Earth. who knows that maybe tomorrow you find out how you are related to brad pitt or kevin bacon.

Your view on yourself:

which one is for whom? you think you’re one of the people i’m talking to? go figure.

1. you know i’ll be waiting for you to come here after two years. or maybe next year. hehe =P

2. BIG hug! =)

3. some things are better left unsaid.

4. i SUPER miss you but are you still holding a grudge?

5. i love london more because of you. ayieee.. :]

6. i wanna hear you sing live. hmm…

7. when’s the next event?

8. i never thought i would find friends like you here. love you so. =)

9. we are both one-of-a-kind, i love us! =D

10. i8u! nuf said. hmp..

11. stay strong, stay in love, stay happy. :]

12. i will talk to you, SOON.

13. i’ll see you in New York. ;D

14. i miss hearing you sing with your guitar. sigh..

15. thanks for always having time for me.

16. hey you, i am not a snob, boo.

17. we’re still friends despite misunderstandings, remember that.

18. get over him, not worth it.

19. we don’t talk often, that’s why i miss you so badly.

20. i don’t say this often as i should, so here it is: many thanks for everything and i love yo. XD

1 Missed Call

Anonymous

11:35 27-OCT-07

who are you anonymous? and why did you call? i’m hoping that was a call from someone in the phils. but then, i feel bad i didn’t get to answer it. it’s not like everyday i get a call from someone back home. as of now, there has been only two people who have called me. of course, only one provider of callcards. haha. looking back, it seems i still feel that i want to receive something from my friends back home. up to now, i’m looking forward to that day i receive a gift or a card from the phils. even just one card would make my birthday so complete. (yes, i AM making parinig and paawa. hahaha. ehem ehem..)

yep, my birthday is coming up. and i can’t wait. so far, i’ve got a few plans that i really really hope everything will push through, most of which are firsts for me. i intend to make my birthday this year the best i’ve ever had. and i think i’m gonna need all the help i can get.

special mention to my closest friends who are fellow scorpions celebrating their birthdays as well, namely drea, glo ann and cass. i miss you girls so much! happy birthday to us! muwah!

my thoughts..

.. on friendship.

this week has been filled with drama of relationships between people. we all have different ways on how we treat our friends. we don’t really need lots of friends to feel loved. sometimes it only takes one true friend to help us through our bad times. it was so hard for me to look pinas because of all the friends i would be leaving behind. i didn’t want to start all over again (although there was a part that wanted to. dibah?) from being by myself and finding people i can trust my whole life with. and much to my surprise, i found myself a good bunch of people who i simply love being with. we are all different and i love it. but of course, they cannot replace those who have been with me through all the years of my high school life. i miss them dearly.

.. on diplomacy, politics, international relations and foreign service.

this is pretty much what my life is about right now. this is a big part of my life. i get a lot of chances to experience it all firsthand. dining with all those famous names in politics is sort of pressure. looking your best, being on my best behaviour. sosyalan to da max. hahahaha. i actually enjoy all the activities i do here. working, volunteering, dining out, lots of memorable moments. it also popped in my mind to take up something to do with foreign service. what if, just what if, i followed my dad’s footsteps? i would enjoy traveling and living elsewhere. but i would hate to always have a new life and leave my old life behind. in the long run, i might have to give up the career or choose family. or maybe that wouldn’t rely on me.

.. on change.

it is inevitable. we cannot stop it or do anything at all about it. we just got to accept it and adapt to it. change can be better or for worse. change can really be painful at times. time is just passing by so quickly. and we just have to keep up with it. or we’d end up getting lost and eventually left far behind.

.. on independence.

at my age, it’s hard to believe my parents are still over protective. time and time again, my parents are strict when it comes to me going out with friends. sometimes it’s frustrating to not be able to go places with my friends. i think i would need a chaperone or bodyguard or driver or something just to go. however, it still has its good side to it. pros and cons. hmm.. let me weight them first.

.. on my past.

one of the hardest thing to do is live the life you have built all behind. all my friends and memories. you find it so hard to detach from it. you don’t want to go through the trouble of starting your life all over again. it’s not that easy. but you just got to deal with it. no running away from it. you slowly learn to let go of things you can’t control but keep all the memories and people that truly matter.

.. on my future.

the main thing that stresses me now is university applications. getting it done is important. mainly because the deadline is coming up. it’s so hard to chase teachers to get their part done. to actually send the application before the post office go on strike again. nice timing people. writing the personal statement was the hardest thing to do in the application process. because you actually stop to access yourself, to think about what you want to do after graduating, or about what interests you now and your hobbies. it’s actually hard to talk about yourself in the way that would interest people in accepting you for their university. it’s almost like thinking of a way how to sell yourself to the uni. friends say that the course i chose isn’t surprising. they pretty much knew i’d take that. other people just think i’m really nerdy, geeky or plain crazy to take it up. but then, i realized that the opportunities after graduating is gonna be huge, especially if i go into the best university there is. fingers crossed on that. but the thing is am i ready for the future? will i be able to handle? well, there’s only one way to answer that. and i’m sure i’ll be just fine.